Motherhood can be so hard on a body. Beautiful and transcendent, sure–but it can also make you feel like someone beat you all over with a brick.
I mean, I knew pregnancy was going to be hard, what with that entire human growing inside of me…
And then birth and recovery, I expected that would hurt and it did, but I recovered quickly…
What I didn’t expect was how hard parenting itself was going to be on my body. How the wrung-out-feeling becomes so cumulative over time. Things that didn’t phase me at 3 months just hurt more at 23 months because I don’t have any reserves to draw on.
Lifting, carrying, breastfeeding, not sleeping….did I mention not sleeping? Two years without a full night of sleep. I’m not gonna lie, I feel like a worn out old husk. Like my body was a host for the new generation of the species and now it’s been discarded into a pile on the floor. It created a replica of itself and now its biological destiny is complete.
Okay, it’s not that bad. I might be exaggerating a little bit.
But I do feel creaky and tired and while I’m thankful that I’m eating well for the sake of my family, and running…I’m realizing lately that I’m not taking great care of myself in a lot of other really important ways.
What’s missing is a deep sense of ease and stretch and rest.
I feel stressed out, and even though I’m not drinking caffeine or alcohol any longer, I know my adrenal glands can’t be happy.
On a physical level, I need some yoga STAT.
On a mental level, I think it’s about giving myself a break. It’s about meeting my own needs as much as I meet my child’s. Honestly, it’s about making some different parenting choices. Ones I wasn’t ready for before, but that I feel clear and confident about now.
Time for some radical recovery from the first two years of motherhood.
Sleep and yoga are in the plan for the near future. An maybe some reiki or acupuncture or something. Who knows. All I know is it’s gotta be about making me feel healthy and whole again. Connecting with my body again.
What about the other mamas out there? How are you feeling? Have you recovered from the physical shock of motherhood yet? How did you do it?