I have a large extended family, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. When I was growing up on the east coast, visits and family gatherings rooted me with a sense of this is where I come from, and this is where I belong.
Now, I live on the west coast, and I can’t imagine ever moving back east again. My soul belongs here, and I mostly feel happy about that.
But Z won’t have what I had growing up. The photo album that we created for him of “extended family” has very few faces in it. We have no family here in Seattle at all–my husband’s parents are gone, my parents are back east and rarely visit. That leaves my sister and brother-in-law and niece who live in California.
They came to visit this weekend and it was bittersweet to watch Z completely come alive when he was with his cousin. He smiled and shouted her name and giggled like I have never seen before.
As persuasive as I can be, I don’t think my sister’s little family is going to move here anytime soon–they have a great life where they are. We both landed in places that are right for us.
And I know we can create our own family here. That we can make a family-of-choice in addition to our family-of-origin. But it’s slow-going creating something from scratch.
What happens when this is where I come from is no longer this is where I belong?
In the absence of blood ties and shared history, how do you say to someone–hey wanna be family?
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You don’t – I mean, you don’t say hey wanna be family, you DO it. That’s it. It’s a doing kind of thing and not a thinking kind of thing. And it’s an incredibly slow process, because it is a doing thing, and doing things takes years unlike thinking which takes no time at all.
And you already know what types of things and places and activities you want to be involved in, and if there aren’t, then create them.
There’s a foodie thing that happens here in Phoenix every month; there’s a theme for the food and a new space to hold it – it’s entirely potluck, everyone brings their own dishes to serve and to eat on – one of the ideas is NOT to create a shit ton of waste at the end of the night. Everyone is encouraged to bring friends or friends of friends… anyway, you get the idea. These kinds of events, specially for YOU, Love & Greens my friend, is right up your alley. I’m sure Seattle already has an event like this, if not, make one up!
<3, catherine
Five years. That was the amount of time it took after I moved to feel like my roots were really established in Charlotte. To feel like my close friends’ children were actually better than cousins. Being as wonderful as you are, of course you will find a second extended family in Seattle. It just takes a little time.
I’m your neighborhood family, darlin! Hazel sure treats Zane like a brother…
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