Welcome to the “I’m a Natural Parent – BUT…” Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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When I was pregnant I read a lot of books about babies, and had a lot of ideas about what kind of parent I would be to a newborn. I’d breastfeed, of course. And use cloth diapers. And babywear. And co-sleep.
No mainstream parenting for me, nope. I was going to be the crunchiest, natural-est, healthy baby-mama.
I figured as long as I did my research and made my choices and bought the supplies–I’d be good to go, right?
There may have been some deliberation as to which linen sling went best with my coloring.
Enter: BABY, stage right.
Then my perfect shining boy was born with a severe tongue tie, which led to latching issues and slow weight gain. So we had to supplement our failing-to-thrive, content-to-starve baby with formula through an SNS for almost six months.
I saw lactation consultant after lactation consultant. I went to acupuncture, I took herbs. I became intimately acquainted with the breast pump. I cried so many tears. The exclusive breastfeeding experience was something I mourned deeply.
But cloth diapers? Please. When feeding took 8-10 hours a day, there was no way I was going to add even a minute extra to diaper changes, or for washing diapers. After two months of saying we would get around to it “soon” I called the diaper service and cancelled our account.
Occasionally I’ll feel a little wistful if see an adorable cloth-clad baby bum, but I absolutely don’t regret using disposables. Very little mourning over that one.
Baby-wearing? Was tricky at first, then it became second-nature. Then, he got so heavy I started using the stroller more. And then, he started going all toddler-hallucination over the stroller, so we started practicing the back carry and now we both love that.
Co-sleeping? Ahhh, co-sleeping. We took to immediately, and I believe it gave us the most sleep possible during the infant year. However, now that our nights closely resemble the H, we’re looking to transition out of it.
Oh, hi there.
Some of the things I planned for Z worked out really well, some didn’t.
For as much writing as there has been done about parenting (so, so, soso much writing, most of which it feels like I have read)–there really and truly isn’t enough to cover every situation I have found myself in.
Every day is like a pop quiz, performance art, and a marathon all at once.
It’s messy and complicated and funny and hard. Every day I am tested. Every day I stare down my own dark insides, and find there is more to me than I thought. Every day I learn more and more about Z.
In other words: it’s a relationship.
A relationship with a brand-new person, who arrived with his own opinions and needs and him-ness.
It’s nice to have an overall philosophy as a foundation for what I am doing. But most of the time, I’m just making stuff up as I go along.
I’m being me, and he’s being him–and we’re figuring out how we work together.
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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that “natural parenting” means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn’t turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
- I’m Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
- Why we aren’t rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter’s carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
- Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
- Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
- 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
- Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
- My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
- I’m Crunchy But… — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her “non” crunchy ways.
- I’m A Natural Parent, But…it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
- I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
- Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
- I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn’t mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
- Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
- I’m a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
- I’m a Natural Parent But…I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
- I’m a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
- Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
- How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she’d like to see it.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super “natural.”
- Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as “too crunchy” by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
- The Natural Parent “Model” — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
- Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
- I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
- I’m a natural parent, but you’d be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest ‘natural’ failures – she doesn’t shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
- Who You Callin’ Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
- Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I’m Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
- Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
- Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two (“non-AP”) coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
- We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child’s bottom. Ugh!
- Committed to Cloth, but… — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
- Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her “natural parenting” is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
- Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I was the polar opposite! We had the nursery set up and were committed to our baby sleeping alone from his very first night home. Ha, ha, ha!
And it was my husband who would hear of nothing but breastfeeding our child. “Sure, I thought” it isn’t your life who will be lived for another!”
We too quickly learned that our little guy had his own set of needs. And though I was met with lots of resistance here we are four years later bedsharing and still nursing my four year old (and my two year old) sometimes at the same time!
We all do what our children and families need. One thing that we all seem to agree on is that an informed decision is always better than the alternative.
It sounds like you stayed open to your babies needs and really, what could be better than that?
I think we will be figuring out how we “work together” with our children for the rest of our lives as things change
This is really a beautiful piece! I couldn’t agree more with you when you wrote, “It’s messy and complicated and funny and hard. Every day I am tested. Every day I stare down my own dark insides, and find there is more to me than I thought. Every day I learn more and more about Z. In other words: it’s a relationship.”
I think with all the information out there about parenting, it’s easy to think (or become convinced in some ways) that there’s some “right” formula or set of rules for how to do it. But just like every other human interaction, it’s never the same twice, it changes based on the day and the people involved, and we have to strive to remain flexible and adaptive.
Thank you for reminding me of this truth!
Such a great point that there is another person weighing in on all of these ideals. That pesky kid!
I completely agree that once they are here all the plans we made and thought we had set our minds on just don’t seem as important if they aren’t working for both. Thank you for sharing.
Nice to meet you, too, Eileen.
I love this…
“It’s nice to have an overall philosophy as a foundation for what I am doing. But most of the time, I’m just making stuff up as I go along.”
Foundation is everything. I also appreciate the aspects of “natural parenting” that help me draw closer to my children and parenting aspirations. All of it, though, is about interpretation and application – in the moment! Enjoy.
I love that: “I’m being me, and he’s being him–and we’re figuring out how we work together.”
Yup, I think to some degree we’re all making it up as we go along….just as we should.
sheila
Haha – as soon as you said the “H” in relation to cosleeping, I knew what you meant. Our son loves the H, much to our great dismay. He only cosleeps with us on demand – maybe about a half night a week – but it always turns into that darn H.
Such a great post! So glad to have discovered your blog from this carnival.
-Kerry @ City Kids Homeschooling
so so very true, and wonderfully written.
Ha! Yeah, the baby is definitely a game changer. I only planned to co-sleep for the first six months, but here we are, at 19 months, still sleeping together every night – and loving it. Flexibility is key. If you can master than (which is sounds like you have), then you’re golden!
xo
We co slept with three children, as they turned 2 or 3 they eventually went to their own bed. These kids are now in college and they cuddle on the couch still with me when they are home on break. It creates a bond, as does nursing, that you will have forever!!
I always said..Tomorrow is another day…you never knew what was going to happen!!!
It is so nice to read how you are doing!!!
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