The third “suggestion” for myself that I plan to talk about on this blog is Shiva Nata practice. (Why gentle, back-of-the-mind “suggestions” and not goals? Because I don’t believe in trying to force myself to do anything using the willpower available to my conscious mind.)
I just went back and looked up when it was that I ordered Havi’s starter kit, and I can’t believe it was just in the middle of October. (Not to mention I took the entire month of December off because I was traveling.) Here are just a few of the things that happened to me during the six weeks that I practiced:
1) I had an enormous emotional breakthrough about some long ago past junk. I’m talking about the intense kind of emotional breakthrough that makes you not even want to do the destructive stuff you’ve been trying to force yourself to stop doing for years. This is no intellectual decision to stop doing the stuff, but an actual falling away of the desire to do the stuff due to healing the emotional reason for needing to do the stuff in the first place. (Okay, I know that sounds convoluted and boy, do I have way more to say about this process and the enormous pointlessness of willpower in general, but that’s a subject for a whole other post, or six.)
2) I had a huge lightning bolt moment in regards to my business. I’ve been a designer for (ohmygodIamsoold) twelve years now, ten of those doing web and user interface design, four of those running my own firm. But the part I really, really love is talking to my clients, answering their questions, and guiding them from confusion to a concrete vision. (Implementing that vision? Not so much.) And a few weeks ago, a business concept that lets me do just this sprung fully-formed into my mind. Of course, I have a lot of work to do in order to make it a reality, but having the concept at least gets me started on a path that didn’t even exist for me two months ago.
3) I started this blog. I have always been a writer and now I’m actually doing it. In a place. Where people can read it. Yikes.
…
At first I thought I needed to learn each level in order to move on to the next level. As in, memorize the steps and be able to do them without the guide. But for me the real breakthroughs started to come when I stopped trying to learn at all, and instead just did it for a few minutes a day.
So when I’m practicing a level that’s new or difficult, my brain will (very) often sort of short-circuit by involuntarily spazzing my leg forward when I meant for it to go back, or I’ll look down and find myself doing a completely different arm position than the one I think I am doing. There are just so many things going on all at once. My thought is that when this happens it means I’m creating a new pathway in my brain, right then and there. (Yay! Finally an activity where lack of coordination = awesome! )
On the other hand, once I “learn” a section (meaning I’m able to do it correctly for the most part, even while having to follow the DVD), then I’m just re-treading worn pathways in my brain. I’ve been there and done that already, time to move forward.
For example, right now I am practicing level two arms and legs, but if you asked me to do anything beyond the first few moves of level one arms without the DVD I’d be lost.
I may be approaching this whole thing in completely the wrong way, but that’s fine with me. I mean, it’s not like I ever have to perform this for anyone, so there’s no end goal in that respect. …So anyway, this “suggestion” for myself is just to keep at it, trying to practice for about 10-20 minutes a day (unless I don’t want to of course.)
Oh! More later on the unconscious, and why I think this practice is a great complement to psychotherapy…
{ 7 comments }
Ooh, I’m totally here with you on so much of this.
Re #2: Me too! It’s literally been like five weeks ago, but I had all these revelations about what I’ve been doing, and now I’m staring all these opportunities in the face that I couldn’t have even imagined two months ago.
Re #3: Yay! Another cool person doing this terrifying thing with me. (I mean, they can like… SEE us and stuff.)
Big, happy wave to you.
Yay! It’s so exciting to hear about someone else having the same AHA experiences. The whole thing is so trippy, I want to talk about it to everyone I know, but then I go “well, it’s this crazy yoga-brain-training-dance thing..” and people’s eyes tend to glaze over
Ah well…
I can’t wait to see what you come up with for #2, and of course will continue to read # 3!
I’m interested in how you talk about not learning it, but just doing it. What is the difference to your mind? Were you doing it slower or breaking it down before?
Would love to know because I have such a tendancy to treat is a movement to be learnt, rather than just relax and ‘do it’ and I’m wondering if that’s why I feel like I’m not getting the aha moments any more!
Hi James! Wow, I can only say what’s working for me, right now. This may change at any moment, and as I mentioned I may be doing it completely wrong…
For what it’s worth I consider “just doing it” to be almost like being in an aerobics class. I’m just watching the instructor and mimicking what they do. I don’t know what’s coming next, and I couldn’t do the series if the DVD wasn’t playing in front of me. The pattern almost doesn’t exist to me consciously. Occasionally I find myself being able to predict the next position or two, and if that happens a lot then that’s when I’ll move up.
Before, I was thinking that I needed to memorize the pattern, to be able to do it on my own, without the DVD, before moving up to the next thing. So yes, I guess I was going slower and breaking it down (and generally paying more attention with my conscious mind) when I was trying to “learn” it.
Of course this is all in the context of me being very uncoordinated and having zero experience with dance of any kind. I really don’t know if I’m taking Shiva Nata heresy here, but it works for me so far. I’m sure I will have to tweak in the future!
Thanks, Eileen. That helps.
I think I’ve tended to analyse the movement patterns before reproducing them, rather than just follow them. I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t just one correct way to do it.
Either by conscious study, or repeated movement, the patterns are going to go into your body and mind (I’ve learnt dance routines by just repeating them and not really taking on board what’s happening – I couldn’t necessarily tell you what the moves are without a lot of careful thought, but I could show you easily.)
You’ve given me some stuff to think about, so thank you. When I’ve had a bit more time to cogitate I expect I shall blog something up and send you a trackback link!
Wow, Eileen, your post made me realize something. Besides the ability to see things in another light, like your ah-ha moment about your business, I’ve also experienced some real emotional breakthroughs with Dance of Shiva. The fact that I still hadn’t acknowledged this to myself should tell you something about my issues! Thanks for this lovely, thoughtful post.!
@ Maryann Hi! Thanks for reading! It is so cool to hear about other peoples’ experiences with the dance of shiva… sometimes I think it might all be in my head (ha, ha) but then the coincidence of timing is too great to ignore. Hearing from others only solidifies that.