Change of Focus

by eileen on April 26, 2013

Oh, hi there.

Ahem.

I’ve missed being here. Things were a bit crazy while I was sick during the first trimester, but then I started feeling better and…well, I have to admit I’ve lost my vegan blogging mojo.

I guess a big reason is because I’m not sure I’ll be vegan after this pregnancy (I’m already eating fish and eggs and cheese during pregnancy.)

I’m still devoted to taking care of my family’s health as much as I can. But I’m not sure that total vegan is the right way to do this. And it’s not because it’s hard to do in a non-vegan world, and it’s not because I need more time-saving tips for vegan cooking.

It’s because I’m just not sure anymore that it’s the healthiest choice for us.

A few things have sparked my thinking over the last few months:

1. Pregnancy cravings. The most strange thing that I craved in the first trimester was eggs. I just have never cared for eggs all that much. But I felt so sick, and eggs made me feel better and I think there is something to that. Yes, I think we can “beat” cravings or whatever but I don’t think pregnancy is the time to try to do that. I think pregnancy is a time to listen to your body. (Even when that means packing on the pounds and how awful and uncomfortable that can feel in this thin-standard-beauty-world.)

2. My picky toddler. I have blogged at length about how picky Z is, and before he even started solid foods about our many struggles with his lack of weight gain. Bottom line: the kid loves cheese. LOVES it. He was eating it and asking for more at preschool, and given the amount of fat that toddlers need, and his general refusal to eat a lot of other calorie-dense foods…there is just no way this mama was going to deny him cheese. (I do try to limit it to a few sticks per day, and balance that out with a green smoothie every morning to prevent -ahem- blockage.)

3. This post by one of my favorite vegan bloggers.

4. And this post by another one of my favorite vegan bloggers. Both posts are about health crises that lead the author to question whether a vegan diet is appropriate (and we have had none in our family), but they each come to different conclusions about what to do about it. I think diet is such a personal choice and sooooo many factors come into play when making the best choice for yourself. And yet when I read Sayward’s post, while I admire her convictions so very much, I found that I didn’t share them to that extent.

5. A general feeling of malaise about following any philosophy 100%. I’m becoming more and more “take what I can and leave the rest” about rigid philosophies, in any area of life. Veganism has given me an entirely new outlook on food, and my family’s health, and a glimpse behind the curtain (or out of the matrix) of the American food industry. That perspective is invaluable to me. But I think I can experience a lot of the benefits by taking what works for us (smoothies, juice, seeds, lots of salads) and leaving the rest (having an occasional fish meal or eggs in baking).

By the way I think I am getting cranky in pregnancy, because I’m also feeling this way about attachment parenting and waldorf education. Lovely ideas! But not for me 100%. I’ll take what I love and leave the rest.

Well, maybe cranky is not the right word. It feels more like honing my ability to look inside rather than outside for guidance.

The blog will still be Love & Greens, because really truly that is what it’s all about. But I think if I continue to write my subject matter will probably be all over the place. (But first! A few guest posts to catch up on from the lovely Emma, I know I left you guys hanging with the sauce recipes…)

How have you been?

PS We found out a few weeks ago that baby #2 is a boy! Coming in August :)

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Starting Over

by eileen on February 12, 2013

Oh you guys, I don’t know where to start with this post. I’ve written it a million times in my head, usually right before I fall asleep at night. It’s going to be a declaration of everything I have learned and am learning and changes that have been happening over the past few months and and and…

But that seems like an awful lot of pressure– and now that I’m sitting here, I see that nothing can really be summarized, or tied up in a big bow, because I’m still in the thick of it.

The funny thing is, I just looked at my stats and I think a lot of people found me in January. I guess it makes sense that that’s when folks are looking for vegan websites! But it’s a strange experience to watch my stats double and triple while I’m not writing anything at all.

So what’s going on?

I am going to be a mama again, in August.

I say that as if it’s the most normal thing in the world–our boy turned two back in November, so it’s time for him to have a little brother or sister, right? That’s pretty average timing.

But the truth is I am terrified. Of how our lives will change, just when we have reached this great state of equilibrium with our first baby! Of how much work it will be. Of how long it will be before I have stretches of time to myself again.

I saw a woman this morning at the coffee shop, she was wearing a newborn in an ergo and she had that look–that haunted, hollowed-out look. And I don’t really want to go back there. So I find myself re-evaluating everything from our parenting style to the way we eat.

Especially since I have been pretty much constantly nauseated or throwing up for the past six weeks or so. TV has become a reliable parenting partner. Home-cooked whole food just isn’t happening. (I hope I’m rounding a corner now, but I don’t want to jinx it.)

For weeks I couldn’t even stand in the kitchen or walk through a grocery store without retching at the smells. Water made me throw up. Smothies made me gag. All I wanted was bread and eggs and apple slices. Or pizza. With cheese.

And since I’m the only cook in the family, we’ve been doing takeout and co-op food. And it is what it is.

While I know this feeling is temporary and I know it’s for a good reason, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself asking questions–

What is really important to us as a family?

Why am I vegan?

How can I take care of myself so I can be there for my kids?

What does comfort feel like to me?

What does health feel like to me?

I have zero answers. I’m not even sure if those are the right questions. All I know is I’m trying to start work again, feed my family, nourish myself and a baby growing inside me, and still find the time and enthusiasm to teach my two-year-old to roll downhill.

I’ll try to write more about it as I go along.

Oh! And while I’m here I have a few links and updates for you:

I just discovered Lovesmiths, and I think I’m going to be taking cooking lessons along with her 13-year-old boy! There are some great recipes and explanations there.

Emma is still my girl and this post about our kiddos made me cry. Well, everything makes me cry these days, but still. (Psst–two is a good age, mamas. Hang in there.)

Have you ever heard of seed cycling? I am mad fascinated by this idea. (Originally found through Bonzai Aphrodite’s amazing healing story.) I can’t find anything about how it applies in pregnancy but I am going to give it a go afterwards, and if you’re not pregnant I would love to hear about it if you try it!

Also, if you have emailed me in the past few months, I am very sorry if I didn’t get back to you.

 

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Love Bites #23: Long and meandering edition.

by eileen on December 21, 2012

A weekly(ish) list of things I love and what’s going on with me.

Whew! Where to begin? I can’t believe how long it has been since I posted an update. So I have lots to share…

Last week I had my first night away from Z, ever. My adventures included a mad dash through the Atlanta airport, a late-night Target run courtesy of Delta airlines, and a funeral for a dear family member…

But as crazy and emotional as my trip was, that wasn’t the part I was worried about. I was worried about how Z would do while I was gone, and I’m happy to report he did fine. More than fine. Between lots of dada-time, preschool, and some help from a friend he was happy and surrounded by people he loves the entire time I was gone. What relief!

And what a big step for me as a mama. I’m not going to rush off and plan more emergency trips away from Z but it’s nice to know it’s possible. I did it. We did it. The village stepped up and made it happen.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) from the ever-brilliant Ask Moxie is the best thing I have read in response to the Newtown school shooting.

(Not surprising, since Free but not cheap is perhaps the best thing I have read about motherhood, ever–and that perspective seriously helps me at least once every. single. day.)

Sometimes technology is the greatest thing. Specifically, Twitter. I know, people (myself included sometimes) like to hate on Twitter –it’s gotten so commercial, people just post stupid stuff about what they ate for lunch, blah blah blah…

And that’s all true…yet to focus on the noise is to miss the point entirely. There’s a lot of noise wherever you go in this life. But on Twitter, if you’re open to it, you can make these wonderfully random, surprisingly deep connections. And that’s how I met the amazing Sas Petherick. Because she tweeted about running pants, I think? We just started talking, and I devoured her site, and that was that. Bingo! Kindered spirit from all the way over in England!

So I was thrilled when she asked me to submit a piece to her new project: The Body Stories, a beautiful collection of stories from the Women of the Internet. It’s a beautiful book full of wisdom, insight, and humor. Go download it here.

It’s probably not a surprise to anyone reading this, but I don’t really seek out mainstream media. I don’t watch network tv, I don’t read magazines, and I tend to read crunchy-type blogs and get my news from other online media outlets.

We can talk about my lack of exposure to divergent viewpoints at another time, but the bubble I live in does help to keep my rage and comparison-inspired self-loathing to a minimum. Still, I enjoyed this Open Letter to the Woman Who Wrote ‘11 Qualities of the Perfect Woman’

And then there’s this–Why We Ditched Attachment Parenting. Oh man, I barely know what to say about this except YES YES OMG YES ARE YOU IN MY HEAD??? Because that post almost exactly describes my internal and external struggles during Z’s first 18 months.

I have said before that I need to write a post about my recovery from attachment parenting, and I will. But for now I will say–I think attachment parenting is a wonderful philosophy to know about. It was so helpful for me during the first year to have found a philosophy that supported my instincts as a mother (holding my baby all the time, responding to his cries, breastfeeding on demand, and even co-sleeping were all wonderful the first year.)

These were all things I felt naturally drawn to do with my infant, and I’m glad I didn’t let other more standard parenting advice deter me from doing so. Attachment parenting resources helped me immeasurably in that sense. And if I were to have another baby there are very few things I would do differently during the first year (the ones I would revolve around sleep.)

But where the philosophy became destructive for me personally was the lack of exit strategy…

I do not think attachment parenting principles grow gracefully beyond the first year, at least they didn’t for me and my baby in all of our uniqueness. And when I started to have to make decisions (again, based on my instincts) that went against the attachment dogma, the voices of the more devout practitioners echoing in my head were hard to shake. In that sense, I found attachment parenting to be very destructive to our family during the second year.

I don’t know. Clearly I have a lot to say about this. But that’s a starting point. I still heartily recommend Attachment Parenting resources to new parents, I just do so with a lot of caveats.

Bottom line in parenting, as in life: No single philosophy is going to be all right for you, all the time. Stop looking for it and go create your own. (Personally I’m dedicating myself wholly to the Valazza Method of Parenting. Have you heard of it? Worldwide number of practitioners: 2. We are a very exclusive group.)

This week at preschool we had a modified Advent Spiral. The toddlers each lit their candle held in an apple and placed it along the pine bough circle. The spiral symbolizes the continual nature of change, and the solstice ritual marks the ending of the darkness and the beginning of the light of spring.

Lots of love and light and Happy Holidays to you all!!!

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But is it worth it?

by eileen on December 6, 2012

Last spring I was sitting in the park with my 16-ish-month old, enjoying a playdate with another mama and babe.

It had been at least twenty minutes since we had offered our babies anything to eat, so of course we whipped out some snacks.

Now if you don’t have a toddler (well if you don’t have a toddler this may not be a very interesting story, but as long as you’re still reading…) you might not know this, but: your snacks Say A Lot About You.

Oh, they shouldn’t, I know.  But we’re all looking. What did she bring? Who has the pre-packaged added-sugar stuff? Who has the all-natural co-op stuff? And who has the homemade-from-scratch stuff?

We’re not judging, you understand–well, at least not each other. We are judging ourselves. We’re seeing how our choices, our efforts, our abilities, stack up against our peers.

Anyway, there we were on the blanket. And my mama-friend whips out homemade sweet potato chips.

Boom. Just like that. Homemade sweet potato chips, on a random weekday afternoon (in a mason jar, no less!).

Immediately it started in my head–I should make my own vegetable chips! Why don’t I make my own vegetable chips? What is wrong with me? I am clearly a failure mother.

Don’t worry, this story has a happy ending.

I don’t really think I am an awful mother because I occasionally buy Terra chips. That would be ridiculous (there is a lot of ridiculous in this brain of mine but I have to clamp it down somewhere.)

My point is, someone somewhere is always going to be doing more than us in any given area–more made-from-scratch, more crunchy, more environmentally-conscious, more compassionate, more songs. Whatever.

I think I shared a while ago that I started making my own laundry detergent. I thought it would be good to save money and know what was going onto our clothes and our bodies. I bought all the stuff and I poured and mixed. It was great, I felt good and it worked fine.

Until one sunday night when we had to have clean laundry the next morning and we were out of laundry soap. And it was way past sacred-mama-bedtime and I’m in the basement mixing up vinegar and what-have-you and thinking I wish I just had a freaking box of laundry soap.

Lesson learned: homemade laundry soap is not worth it to me. (Dishwasher soap on the other hand? Super-easy and totally worth it.)

Sure you can make your own christmas presents, your own laundry soap, carve wooden toys for your children, and can your own tomato sauce from tomatoes grown in your own garden. But do you really want to?

I guess all I’m saying is I’m as crunchy as the next crunchy vegan mama (well, the next crunchy vegan mama who still loves leather boots)…and yet I have to draw the line somewhere.

As it turns out my line is at veggie chips and laundry soap–those go solidly into the “buy at the store” category for me.

All our lines are different. I say: do what feels right to you, what you care about, or what is fun for you. Other times, it’s just not worth it.

So tell me, where’s your line?

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Emma’s Sauces #3: Peanut Sauce

by eileen on December 5, 2012

Welcome to the third installment of a series on easy sauces by my friend Emma of  Your Fonder Heart. Emma is a doula who knows just about everything there is to know about birth, babies, and feeding the whole family a yummy whole foods diet. She’s going to share her five main sauces with us here, so that we can fancy-up our meals without spending a ton of time in the kitchen!

And in case you missed it:
Emma’s Sauces #1: Balsamic Reduction
Emma’s Sauces: Fruit Compote

…..

Here’s the thing about peanut sauce: it’s what you love about Thai food. You think you love Thai food but really you just love peanut sauce. And, I promise, once you know that you can make peanut sauce at home you will put it on everything! Over veggies, rice, quinoa, noodles. Go out for Thai, too, but you can do that shit at home!

It takes 3 minutes to make.

The Method:

You’ll need:

  • 1 can coconut milk (the super fatty kind, in a can, not a carton – make it Native Forest: no bpa)
  • 3 tablespoons peanut butter (smooth)
  • 2 teaspoons curry powder
  • Liquid Bragg’s Amino Acids (or salt, to taste)

I want to get all annoying here and tell you to find your own spice blend that you like instead of using store bought powdered curry, and you should certainly do that, but if you just want some peanut sauce in a few minutes and have never made it, use whatever curry you have around.

Toast the curry powder in a saucier (lightly, quickly, don’t burn it). Add 2 tablespoons peanut butter and whisk until you have a paste. Slowly add 1/2 a can of coconut milk while you whisk (keep it smooth as you go) and then continue adding the other half until you have the consistency you want. If it’s too thin you can add a pinch of arrowroot (whisk whisk whisk) or more peanut butter to thicken it. You may want it thicker to stick to vegetables or thinner to cover noodles. Remember, it will be thinnest and most viscous while over heat and will get a little thicker when you serve it.

That’s it! Seriously! Add as much Bragg’s or salt as you like and you’re done.

…..

Thanks Emma!

Okay, I was really excited about this one. I decided to make it to go over our boring-old Tuesday night tofu, broccoli and brown rice. 

You can’t really see it here, but I took a photo anyway:

Verdict: super-easy. Super-yummy, and definitely worth the effort as far as how much improved the meal was.

Thoughts from a non-chef: I had to google saucier. Just so you don’t think you were the only one.

Also: Emma also told me some optional secret ingredients to add–maple syrup and lime juice. I did put in a bit of maple syrup and I think it helped. I think the lime juice would definitely move this sauce into the amazing category (lime + peanut? yes, please) but I had already done my grocery shopping and wasn’t about to drag my toddler out into the rain for a lime.

But if you’re going to make this? Get a lime. Or two. I would have liked to have some slices as a garnish maybe. Oh! And maybe some chopped peanuts. (Now who’s fancy?)

Thanks so much, Emma!!!

And if any readers are in the Seattle area and struggling with feeding your toddler a healthy diet, check out Emma’s ‘Picky Eaters’ classes (heck, check out all of her classes–I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Emma knows All The Stuff!)

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